I CAN MOONWALK!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
