do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
