The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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