I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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