omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
