wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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