Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
