1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I AM VODKA MAN
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
