If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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