I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
