I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
