Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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