Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
