Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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