After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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