My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
