The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
