Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
