I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
