Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
