she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
