i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
