that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize