he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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