Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
