Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
