I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize