Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
