im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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