I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she peed on how many people?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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