he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
