and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize