You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
