$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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