He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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