it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
