im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
