I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
