so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
