Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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