He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
