8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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