I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i believe in u and ur pee
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
