I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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