Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
