Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
