Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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