you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Holy shit dude........stairs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
