I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
