yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
