ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
