how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
