Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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