so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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