Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
