Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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