3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
