i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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