So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
