I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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