Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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