You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
