Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
