I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
