I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
