Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
