He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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