I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
