can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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