and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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