Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
