I smell stomach acid.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
