things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
