why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
