u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
