when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
